MONSTERWATCH

Unknown creature

2011-08-20T15:14:00.001-04:00

Saw this near foot-end of my bed, no biting or scratching occurred, assume it is benevolent but I have not identified it yet.

A Sighting!

2011-05-21T09:03:00.001-04:00

Man-eating Aliens Need Strong Teeth

2011-04-09T08:44:00.006-04:00

For some reason Finnish dentists have taken a strong interest in the dental hygiene of monsters and aliens. In this issue of Kultahammas they asked me to discuss the obvious need for very strong teeth for a creature such as the Duomaw, that east humans whole.
On a different note, I received this intriguing field study of a dangeruous beast called the Mandblob from Dr Ben, a very young but gifted monstrologist .

And I recently had the pleasure of holding my lecture on monsters and aliens for the third graders of P.S. 321 in Brooklyn. Following my extremely successful lecture the student have taken up the mantle of monstrology and are running with it. I have received two thick packages of new studies of beasts never before seen! This is the cover of the last package i received.

And last but absolutely not least, the short movie "Alien Feces" is now streaming on youtube. It is the creation of the extremely talented Maya Garner, 14 years old. The events in this movie are dramatized, but could very well have been real! Enjoy.

Tooth Decay an Issue With Some Monsters

2010-11-18T20:50:00.004-05:00

As a monstrologist my expertise is called upon from many different walks of life, for instance, I helped write a fascinating article about monstrous dental hygiene in the Finnish "dental" magazine "Kultahammas". The whole magazine can be found here but the image above is the spread where the story appeared, I'm afraid it's only available in Finnish but the gist of it is that some monsters suffer from tooth decay and poor dental hygiene.

Here are some images from a recent lecture I held to a group of apt students in Brooklyn.
They were taken by the eminent photograper Bradford Hamilton

NEW ALIEN!

2010-10-27T20:09:00.004-04:00

This magnificent new discovery was made by a young, 10, but very, very talented monstrologist in Fredericksburg, VA, by the name of Cole.

This is what he wrote about the discovery:

"I saw it when me and my mom went to the Blue Ridge Mountains camping, I woke to a crunching noise, so I grabbed the flashlight and got out of the tent and and I flipped out when I saw a Tangle Fang eating a deer carcass!!! He jumped in his spaceship when I blinded him with my flashlight! "

This was the space ship:

Thank you Cole and Pamela (his mom)! Keep up the good work!

FREE BOOK GIVEAWAYS ON GOODREADS!

2010-08-06T20:29:00.004-04:00

5 copies of An Eyeball in My Garden...the horrific (in a good way) poetry collection that I illustrated...and 5 copies of A Field Guide to Monsters in PAPERBACK! The soft cover makes it extra handy for field work.

You can sign up for both giveaways until the last of August...everybody has an equal chance.

And here is a very very spooky "booktrailer" for An Eyeball in My Garden.

A NEW Canadian Creature

2010-06-20T13:55:00.003-04:00

This groundbreaking new discovery, The Shadow, came to me from a young, but extremely brave and gifted, monstrologist named Bodhi Irwin, in Kingston Ontario. The beast itself is terrifying and would have been a challenge to investigate even for a grown up SENIOR monstrologist such as myself. Kudos Bodhi!

You can also find some new reviews of my Field Guide to Aliens via the links below.

Charlotte's Library

Manga Maniac Cafe

An a new one about the monsters too

badwithconviction

SENSATIONAL VIDEO OF ALIEN

2010-04-21T09:42:00.004-04:00

This video, discovered deep in the archives of the old Soviet space agency, ROSKOSMOS appears to depict the mischievous light-based life form The Polkans.

The focus of this old black and white film, most likely shot through an Earth-based telescope, is on the rear-end of a comet, you can discern flickering gas-clouds or flames, then to the center right in the frame suddenly the letters P.O.O.P appear and disappear twice!

Now, in the Russian alphabet, that reads as ROOR...and has no apparent meaning. But in English it's "poop". Typically a word that would be used by the prank-loving Polkans.

Under any circumstances, it is one of the most compelling proofs of (somewhat) intelligent Alien life I have ever seen.

A Kirkus Review...Good too!

2010-03-25T21:32:00.003-04:00

The Disco

Concluding after years of reports and direct observations that approximately 45 percent of the world's monsters are actually aliens, Olander, author of A Field Guide to Monsters (2007), offers illustrated notes on 28 types of interstellar interloper—from the harmless Intergalactic Worrywarts of Planet Insecura and sewage-eating Sliver-Slurpers to more ominous False Santas, robotic onesie-clad Bebies and, scariest of all, Boogie-doods (aka Discos) from Planet Funk. On pages designed to look like well-thumbed scrapbook leaves, each entry includes extensive comments on diet, distinguishing features and details of Close Encounters, all sandwiched between a carefully drawn full-"body" portrait and a set of quicker "eyewitness" sketches and supposed snapshots. Though no replacement for Andrew Donkins's Alien Encyclopedia: The Ultimate Alien A-Z (1999), this makes a worthy addition to our too-thin store of space-alien lore and will leave younger readers on the alert for glimpses of Clustors, Liverpudlins and other nonhuman visitors.

–Kirkus Reviews, March 15, 2010

Benny Found A Baby!

2010-03-24T08:26:00.006-04:00

A nearly hysterical Benny sent me this picture in an e-mail. It appears to be of an infant Couch Cruncher. As followers of this blog might know, Benny is a "friend" who had a Couch Cruncher live in his couch for along time. We appeared to have solved the issue when we got the Cruncher to move to a furniture store in Queens, NY.

This time I believe that we might have learned something new and valuable about this small domestic monster. This "tadpole-cruncher", small, googly-eyed and gelatinous, is probably migrating back to where his parents were born. It might be the same kind of function we see in migrating birds and fish.

Benny either must keep a meticulously clean home, ( he can't leave a trail of crumbs around him at all times as he does, look at the picture! I'm sure his whole floor is covered with fragments of salty snacks...) or move, or...learn to live with the annual arrival of Couch Cruncher babies and see it as something positive, a sign of spring perhaps

A Nice Review

2010-03-14T17:23:00.003-04:00

The Sliver Slurper

A Field Guide to Aliens:

Intergalactic Worryworts, Glorb, False Santas, and other Extraterrestrials
978-0-7614- 5594-3.

Monsterologist John Olander, having discovered that 45 percent of all monster sightings reported are actually alien sightings, has decided to follow up his Field Guide to Monsters (Marshall Cavendish, 2007/VOYA December 2007) with a guidebook to aliens one might encounter on earth. Full-color, double-page spreads on twenty-seven aliens include information on what their names sound like in their native language (if they have one), their origin, diet, distinguishing features, technology, and a narrative of sightings of each species on Earth. Each entry also includes evidence in the form of sketches, drawings, or photos from others who have encountered the alien “taped” to the bottom of the (simulated) graph paper pages. Those species that pose a threat are stamped “Danger to Humans” in red—for safety sake. Scientific data is also included such as the real explanation of wormholes (they are created by actual Space Worms) and Santa Claus (actually elflike aliens who subsist on fruitcake and cookies— the beard and hat are space gear). Although heavy on the poo humor: Silver Slurpers (among others) live on human waste and a Droopian, who comes from a high gravity planet, left a heavy deposit in a Wisconsin outhouse, this silly and gross “field guide” will entertain just about any reluctant reader (especially the boys). Fans of the first guide will also love this one. .—VOYA, April 2010

A Three-toed Troll

2010-03-14T17:14:00.003-04:00

I received this fascinating drawing in the mail from a Swedish source.
A Three-Toed Troll
The fragmented text in Swedish says:
"it was a malevolent and unkind troll with three toes and three fin(gers?)....domestic animals for feed"

An Update

2010-03-06T20:02:00.004-05:00

The snow-monster, was evil! It's effects were horrific...
Only a few days after it appeared, I came down with a frightening case of stomach flu!
Some might say, "coincidence", but I know better. That thing, I call it "The Snomo", had some kind of powers. Big snows when you're expecting spring often has the effect of making humans sick.
I think this monster, and yes I'm convinced this one was a monster not an alien, floats through air in pieces and assembles itself once enough snow has accumulated, then it sneaks around and does its evilness.
Melting took care of its demise.

There has been some cosmetic changes to my website and blog.
I hope they will be to your liking.

This blog has moved

2010-03-05T09:23:00.001-05:00

This blog is now located at http://monstrologist.blogspot.com/.
You will be automatically redirected in 30 seconds, or you may click here.

For feed subscribers, please update your feed subscriptions to
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The Monstrologist on Facebook

2010-02-27T07:52:00.003-05:00

For those of you who pass by here and also are members of Facebook:

I just started a "fan-page" where I posted some new material about Aliens and a mysterious snow-being (below) that just appeared on our fire escape.

You should be able to find the page here. Please join.

A Field Guide to Aliens

2010-02-20T16:25:00.010-05:00

Finally the publication of my new masterpiece: A Field Guide to Aliens: Intergalactic Worrywarts, Glorb, False Santas, and other Extraterrestrials is getting closer.

By clicking the link above you're able to get a preview on Amazon. However that is merely a superficial glance, this seminal work might be even more groundbreaking than my Field Guide to Monsters. The research and genius expended in the production are hardly made justice by that preview, no! It is of a kind that demands immersion and dedicated study.

In this tome you will find unique information about Extraterrestrials that nobody else has ever documented! I have mentioned a few before on this blog but in the book there are more than 25! Including some that are confirmed by photographic evidence that have never before been seen.

The more frivolous UFO and Alien-encounter "scientists" will undoubtedly try to cast my studies in a less than flattering light but I challenge them to bring forth any more compelling evidence than that which I have produced in abundance in A Field Guide to Aliens.

Here for instance is a photograph of an alien deposit left in an outhouse in Wausau, Wisconsin

Please note the extreme weight!

I have seen nothing even coming close to this evidence in the community of UFO and Aliens research before, if you have please let me know.

A Video Review

2010-01-31T12:03:00.002-05:00

I found this review of my Field Guide to Monsters on Youtube!

A nice surprise, and proof of the fact that monstrology is getting closer and closer to the world of traditional academia!

NEW MONSTERS!

2009-10-29T22:30:00.002-04:00

These are a handfull of fantastic new monsters discovered by junior monstrologists at Brooklyn Botanical Gardens during Ghouls & Gourds last Sunday. Surprisingly, quite a few were NOT dangerous to humans!

Halloween Rush

2009-10-24T11:50:00.006-04:00

So, as you might understand, the end of October is a busy time for a monstrologist.

I have just returned from a monster-mission in Texas where my dear friend and young colleague Sepp had alerted me to the presence of some frightening beast in his neighborhood in Houston. We were unfortunately unable to confirm any monsters or aliens but we saw some interesting tracks and held several intriguing interviews with witnesses.

Investigating a possible monster-sighting in Houston,TX

I believe this will be an investigation that I will have to return to repeatedly in the future. The Monster or Alien is supposedly taller than 10 feet, very thin and takes a special interest in Chickens.

While in Texas I was also able to give my formidable lecture on The Science of Monstrology at two esteemed locations, The Hendley Market in Galveston, TX and Travis Elementary School in Houston, TX.

This weekend I will hold my annual monster investigation workshop at the Ghouls and Gourds event in Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, Sunday Oct. 25, noon-6pm, kids under 12 free!

The following week I will be doing my lecture at three different academic institutions in Brooklyn, these will however not be open to the public. But below you can view a video from my lecturing at Hendley Market.

And last but not least, Happy Halloween!!

THE DISCO

2009-08-22T13:59:00.000-04:00

Once again I need to start with an apology, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. It is
hard to maintain this blog when there is so much monster and alien activity out there!

I have been immersed in aliens, as I have mentioned before, but at last my work on the new Field Guide to Aliens is done! It is now being vetted by esteemed specialists and will be published in the spring next year.

One of the more curious life-forms I document in the new Field Guide is The Disco. It appears that it is an alien that "eats" nothing but sounds. It thrives on the melodious beats of disco-music, but is otherwise harmless.

This is a compelling eye-witness rendering of a feeding Disco:

This unsigned, but clearly dated, field study shows a Disco in full action. It was sent to me from a young alienologist in Colorado, who found it among his mom’s stuff.

Swedish Monsters Abound!

2009-05-30T20:55:00.000-04:00

I left my native land of Sweden many years ago and although I was well aware that there were some monsters lurking in the deep forests and dark corners of the utterly civilized towns, I had no idea of how prevalent they were, until now!

I received this collection of fantastic field studies of monsters from Europaskolan, a very respectable academic institution in Stockholm.

The abundance of monster-sightings is overwhelming.
This is just a few of the most compelling monsters in the collection!
The variety of types of beings and the detailed illustrations are very impressing.
GOOD WORK!

The group of daring Swedish monstrologists

These are some of the monsters:

Recent Developments in Monstrology

2009-05-21T20:40:00.000-04:00

Fellow monsterwatchers, there have been lots of goings ons in the world of monstrology lately.

I have created a whole collection of new monsters based on the fascinating work of the French monstrologist and contemporary artist Philippe Parreno. He had discovered more than a dozen new beasts but needed help with the documentation. I was able to provide him with this most invaluable service, since few, if any, monstrologists surpass my skills in the field.
Some of the monsters are quite frightening, this is the bunny-like "Propaganda":

Monsieur Parreno's works will be presented at several international museum shows, they are however "art" shows, not scientific displays, so to me they are not so important, but by all means have a look at some of the monsters in this very detailed video from Zurich Kunsthalle.

In the beginning of June there will also be a show at the Centre Pompidou in Paris where some of the same monsters will be on display. The Pompidou will also publish a book of the 16 monsters Parreno and I discovered.

My famous video of a Q&A session at the Community Bookstore on Youtube has changed location slightly but can still be viewed here:

However, my most challenging duty lately has been the completion of of my new book A Field Guide to Aliens, it is currently in its last edit and shall shortly impact the field of alienology in the same epochal way that my Field Guide to Monsters altered the science of monstrology.

Here's a glance at one of the more intriguing beings documented in the book:

The "Sliver-Slurper" is an alien that seems to be primarily interested in harvesting, and consuming, human and animal waste.

Aliens Discovered in Living Room

2009-04-03T17:29:00.001-04:00

These mysterious creatures were observed in the living room.
They are apparently aliens and have bristly, messy, hair and many little legs. They seem to be holding their bodies in an unbalanced, swaying kind of way, perhaps their ratio of body to legs is a bit underdeveloped...or overdeveloped if one looks at their gigantic heads.
As you can see in the lower right hand corner they keep sharks as pets. According to Vivienne, 3 1/2, the primary witness, they keep them" to play with". She also claims that "they are nice, because they have smiles" and that they eat trees.

"The Pop-Up"

2009-03-01T08:59:00.000-05:00

Greetings fellow followers of monstrology!

Once again too much time has passed between posts. But to my defence I have to say that the turbulent times we now live in seem to have brought forth more odd creatures than I have ever seen before. Being one of the very few SENIOR monstrologists in the field gives me an immense work-load and lately my work on the up-coming Field Guide to Aliens have kept me very, very busy. So busy that many of the latest monster sightings have stacked up on my desk. I just haven't had a chance to investigate.

Therefore I decided to post two of these beings in hope of getting some information from YOU, the ever vigilant public.

THE POP-UP

This being was observed around Halloween last year, but it has also been seen inside haunted houses and other places where people are on edge and easily scared.

As you can see from the drawing I did based on eye-witness accounts it hides almost within itself, then pops up screaming "SURPRIIIISE!!"

THE FRENCH "GNOME"

Very little is know about this fearsome creature that was documented by Antoine, 5, in Paris, France.
Because of the antennae-looking things on its head I'm suspicious of it being an alien.
Does anybody have any information? E-mail me!

Manhattan Monsters!

2008-11-15T15:23:00.000-05:00

Oh, the horror...
There are so many nefarious beasts in Manhattan that it frightens me. Thankfully there is no shortage of intelligent and insightful monstrologists and I feel that as long as the balance between monsters and us, the people that keep track of them, is maintained we can all rest safe.
These are some of the monsters we discovered at the Poet's House after we had a monstrology session where the participants, under my experienced tutelage, were able to document some fantastical beasts.

View them and tremble with fear.

New Findings at Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

2008-11-01T17:05:00.000-04:00

The event at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens yielded some fascinating new monsters documented by a large group of young, talented monstrologists!
Here are just a few of the most fascinating beasts.

As clearly noted on these studies these monsters were all DANGEROUS TO HUMANS.
Be careful out there!

Fascinating Q&A session after my Lecture at the Commuity Bookstore in Brooklyn

2008-11-01T15:06:00.001-04:00

Upcoming lectures

2008-10-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

Dear followers of Monsterwatch. The end of October will be a busy time for yours truly, it is clear that the public is hungry for more REAL information about monsters.

I have been asked to hold my lecture om Monstrology in four different venues.

In two of the distinguished institutions; Brooklyn Botanical Garden and Poet's House, I have been asked to not only give my lecture on the science of monstrology, but to also lead workshops on the recording methods and archiving of monsters.

These are the venues, hope to see you there.

PS 39 (not open to the public)
Park Slope, Brooklyn

Oct 24

9.25 am

Poet's House

NY Public Library, Mulberry Street Branch (10 Jersey st. bet. Lafayette & Mulberry)

Oct 25

2pm

Brooklyn Botanical Garden, "Ghouls and Gourds"

Oct 26

noon-6pm

Community Bookstore
143 Seventh Avenue Brooklyn NY 11215
(718)783-3075
Oct 30

5pm

A treasure trove of Monsters!

2008-09-07T10:15:00.001-04:00

I have received a fantastic document of seminal importance!

It is nothing less than another groundbreaking catalogue of monsters not unlike my own masterpiece, A Field Guide to Monsters.

This thick stack of new discoveries is unpublished but none the less masterful in its description of several brand new monsters that even I have never heard of.

It was compiled by a group of young monstrologists in Freeport, Illinois, headed by an eminent guide and teacher in Mrs. Angie Damin at Empire Elementary.

We owe these young brave monsterhunters a wealth of gratitude.

Among the almost 50 new monsters catalogued we find some tremendous, dangerous beasts. Below are just a few outstanding studies:
The very colorful Fowller Born eats people that do bad things and has a very bad cut with monster flesh and blood hanging out in May, March and June,

The Fatty Patty is a mysterious, harmless beast that lives in 5 star restaurants but only eat junk food and candy!

The Moniter Number is a very dangerous monster that haunts schools and especially math books. It will eat you if you give the wrong answer! The only safety measures are to never say the wrong answer or never open any math books.

Thanks again to the Multiage Class of Mrs. Angie Damin in Freeport Illinois! Keep up the good work!

Aliens,Aliens Aliens...

2008-07-27T09:51:00.000-04:00

That's all I can say to my defense, for not having updated these pages for so long.

My monstrology research have by necessity been put on hold for the time being since two recent field missions turned out to be linked to a whole series of alien encounters.

It has prompted me to start work on a new groundbreaking book!

In some way research into Alien/Extra Terrestial life forms is very similar to Monstrology and,as the field of UFO/Alien studies is, like monstrology, studded with charlatans and flimflam-men there is a dire need for a serious look at the field by a reputable scientist such as myself.

I have already accumulated some every interesting field notes/drawings,

This being, I have given it the temporary name "Clustor", is curious and friendly but utterly unintelligent on it's own, but.... as it clusters together with others of it's kind, it can, if their numbers are sufficient, achieve an intelligence far beyond the human capacity.

Its origins is still unknown, but I am working on finding out more. This sighting occurred in Central Illinois. I am curious to hear from the general public if you have any pertinent information about this or other Aliens.

Monster Go Away Spray works!

2008-04-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

After some initial doubt I have now concluded that the Monster Go Away Spray really works.
I am thoroughly impressed by the work of psycho-aromatherapist Lisa Cook, the creator of this essential tool for field-monstrologists.

I have received a dazzling report from a field-monstrologist that has tested the spray in real-life conditions and according to him it is a sure-fire way to get rid of at least some specific beasts. See the drawing and observation notes on the frightening DRACH-NEE-LEJEEN below.

I also received a detailed record of the UNDERWATER KING-SNAKE ,a not so dangerous, but impressive monster.

Keep up the good work everybody!

Pesonally I am slightly perturbed by some rather confusing sightings lately that have not been monsters, but ALIENS, I sense that there might be a need to investigate this further since it appears that some of these beings inhabit a similar space to that of monsters.

Fearsome French Beasts

2008-03-29T12:51:00.000-04:00

I have finally had time to analyze some of the recent drawings that were sent to me.

This batch came from a brother and sister team of very young monstrologists in Paris, France.

Antoine and Alice have created some very interesting images but, and this is understandable due to their tender age, have not given me much information apart from the drawings.

Here is the most compelling monster in my opinion. I would love to know more about it.

This is very frightening duo of monsters, I wonder if they are related to the terrifying Danish Gutrotter?

And this last one I believe is a variation on the Tadpole Monster so often observed by very young monstrologists.

You can of course read more about the Tadpole Monster in my Field Guide .

An interesting product & Aliens

2008-03-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Emily sent me a link to an interesting product: An anti-monster spray.

It seems like I am not the only one to have discovered that monsters are sensitive to smells.

My homemade potpourri has kept me safe on many an occasion and I am happy to see that someone has created an easy to use product available to the general public.

I have generally made my potpourri very pungent (Curry, Cloves and Karl Lagerfeld Cologne combined), to be on the safe side...I wonder if nice smells might be as efficient?

I have been held up in my monstrology studies by several reports that initially seemed to be about monsters but turned out to be about aliens. So far any good information has been hard to get but here's an image that was recently sent to me.

It depicts two "Mulchons", an alien race of ravenous tree-eaters. The drawing came from an Alaskan lumberjack by the name Hank Swenson. He claims that they ate a fully grown tree as fast as he could eat an apple, that they travel by interstellar timber-trucks and that their droppings make excellent weed and pest resitant mulch.

An Active Season

2008-02-25T21:12:00.000-05:00

Well, first of all I must apologize for not having written much here lately. I must admit that I have just been too busy. And let me tell you, it is a busy season for monstrology.

I have been getting in more and more reports from all over the world and I'm starting to worry that there is something "big" going on in the realm of monsters. Perhaps the increased activity is due to some astrological position or other natural event. My fear is that some day the monsters will start to conspire to leave the borderland between fantasy and reality, the realm that they traditionally inhabit, and enter fully into reality. That would be a truly frightening occurrence.

This field study came in from a young researcher named Kurt. It appears as if this is a relatively harmless monster.

This is his eye-witness account:

"Before leaving for my grandfather's house today I had to get my socks. Having my pencil and paper ready, (like I always do) I opened my drawer and this monster popped out of it! I quickly did a sketch of it and took my sock off it's tail. ( that must be their way of keeping warm )."

And earlier today I got an e-mail from another fellow monstrologist, Mr Smart, who had made some exceptionally detailed field-studies of two different beasts: The Deadly Driftwood and The Gravel Grinder.

The Gravel Grinder looks to me like it could be an Alien life-form. I'd say that the odd diet supports that idea.

This is Mr Smart's story:

"I have found 2 new monsters I would like to share with you! One is called the Deadly Driftwood, and the other the Gravel-Grinder. I encountered the Deadly Driftwood when me and my dad were driving on a bridge over a lake. It looked like the monster was coming to get me! I encountered the Gravel-Grinder walking on a path in my mom's garden.( The path was made of gravel).It was grinding the path ! "

And a traveller passing by from Paris, France hand-delivered a large collection of field notes from a brother and sister team of monstrologists the other day. I will eventually post some of those drawings once I have had an opportunity to scan them and study them further.

It is clear that there is an unusual high frequency of monster sightings at the moment so keep your pencils sharpened and your minds open out there!

Dark Specter

2008-01-30T20:30:00.000-05:00

I have recieved a fascinating report on a brand new monster: The Dark Specter

This time the news comes from Elmira, NY where an intrepid young monstrologist by the name Devin has done some impressive research.

His drawing of the Dark Specter is among the finest field drawings I have seen.

These are the facts that Devin has been able to gleen about the mysterious Dark Specter, in his own words:

"5 ft, 10 inches.
Can sometimes be found wearing a ragged top hat.
Seems to like books, but I am not really sure if it eats anything at all!
I have found it in the Steel memorial library in Elmira NY, and by my toaster in the kitchen.

I do not know what color it is because I have all ways seen it just as a black outline.

It also seems to like indoors, and very quiet but human inhabited places. "

Devin has a very nice website that you can visit here: www.grymhood.webs.com

Important Findings in Denmark

2008-01-27T14:24:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I received an exiting package from Denmark.
It contained a collection of new findings from three young monstrologists.

Their scientific method is still crude and there was only little additional information concerning each monster but the field drawings were spectacular!

We have here three new never before seen beasts.

The first one, discovered and documented by Naomi, is perhaps the most frightening.

Naomi calls this monster "Terrible Killer Head" and list a color guide to the drawing.

Red+yellow= Fire

Red= Lava

Blue= Poison

Green= Acid

Gray= Circular Saw

Yellow= Electrical Shock

This monster is undoubtedly very, very dangerous to humans.

The "Firhoved" or "Fourhead" (below) was found by Melissa. The only information given about this monster is that it is "Dangerous to Humans" (written in Danish on the drawing).

It is a spectacular beast!

The third monster discovered by this team of monstrologists, this one by Maya, was the "Tunge-Slasker", which translates to "Toungue-Slobberer". This cat-like monster also lacks any more specific details but it is clearly described as dangerous to humans and we find this beast in an action filled pose. One can only imagine what havoc a beast like this can wreak. Personally I am also very curious about the other beast in this image, what is it? another undocumented monster?

I sincerely hope this is not the last time I hear from these young heroines.

The Conclusion to Benny's Troubles

2008-01-21T21:00:00.000-05:00

Our attempt at discovering and dislodging the Couch Cruncher from Benny's sofa was quite a struggle but we emerged victorious in the end.

It took 4 nights, 16 hot dogs, and a hand-full of missed opportunities to finally get a good look at the Couch Cruncher.
As you might remember from our previous encounter with the Cruncher in Benny's house I observed a very young Cruncher. I now believe that that "baby" was the one we did battle with this time. It had grown up but I had a distinct feeling that this was the same individual.
This leads me to assume that Crunchers do not live with their offspring very long, that they grow fast and that the young often take over their parent's "hunting grounds".
One of the most fascinating aspects of this relatively harmless monster was its arms. They were soft and appeared to be without bones and were able to be pulled inside, or stretched far outside the body in an almost telescopic way.

To make a long story short, Benny's couch is once again safe.
The Cruncher was removed and today it resides in a furniture store on Steinway Street in Queens where Benny has agreed to stop by every week and "misplace" a dozen hot dogs.

I was able to do a more detailed field study of The Couch Cruncher this time (See below) and learned a lot more about it. It will most likely be entered in to the next edition of my Field Guide.

Shadow Casters in Illinois and Benny in Trouble

2008-01-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

There seems like there might be Shadow-Casters nesting in a 160-year old house in Central/Western Illinois, this according to a report from two brothers residing in said house. They have noticed clear indications, such as creaking floor sounds, the archetypical sound of the sneaking Shadow Caster and actually asked if there was a possibility of me doing an investigation.
Unfortunately I had do decline since after the holidays Benny has become a priority and I am fully engaged in the Couch-Cruncher problem again.

It seems like Benny, who was quite resentful of my ignoring him for so long, had moved out to his kitchen, leaving his combined living room-bedroom and his beloved couch to the Cruncher. He was scared and upset, especially after his remote got eaten.

But before the holidays he decided to try to "take back" his apartment. He bought a new universal remote and started to enjoy his couch again and all went really well for some time.
My guess is that he got sloppy with food and snacks around Christmas... and then he lost the new remote. Without thinking he stuck his hand deep into the couch to see if it had slipped between the cushions...He got bit pretty bad.
I assume that a cruncher took his rather plump finger for a hot dog, their favorite food.

I will keep you posted on any developments. I will be staying with Benny for few days.

Ha! There are monsters in Canada

2007-12-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

I knew it!
My Canadian "friend" Bradford who earlier this year claimed that there was no monster-business going on in Canada was wrong!

I just got a very trustworthy report from the Comox Valley area where apparently some very large Northern Boulder Beasts have been smelled and sighted.

They had taken up residence in a small valley not far from a village and the stench of sulfur emanating from the beasts was what finally drew the attention of a young man (Evan, 10) who was able to observe and report the facts to me.
According to him they were "really huge" and "really, really stinky".

As I mention in the Field Guide, the boulder beasts are notoriously dumb and when the intrepid young monstrologist got discovered he was able to confuse them by singing "I'm a little tea-pot short and stout", and doing the movements.
The beasts simply thought he was a tea-pot, and left him alone.

Evan commented that he thought they were "really, really, really not smart".

A Failure on the Beach

2007-11-14T08:46:00.000-05:00

The Beach Krill sightings in Puerto Rico turned out to be false.
There were however some very large crabs that attacked this intrepid monstrologist as he was in hiding under a very elaborate cover of camouflage netting and sand.
I had settled in for a long stake-out when around midnight I started feeling little pinches around my ankles. I never want to use my flashlight too much so I waited a bit before turning it on, but then I got pinched really hard! As i directed my flashlight toward my throbbing ankle I got pinched just above the belt towards my back and I realized that my hiding spot had been completely overrun by aggressive crabs.

I think that there might have been something in my latest concoction of potpourri that attracted crabs. Maybe the Karl Lagerfeld Cologne is not repelling enough?

In the end I saw no evidence of Beach Krill activity. I am sad to say that a large hollow that was pointed out to my as probably created by a Krill was more likely the result of sand-castle constructions.

I left the island with many crab-pinch marks, mosquito-bites, a bad sunburn and no further information on the Beach Krill.

But, that is the life of a monstrologis. Not every shadow is a beast, but you should always check.

The Beach Krill

(Euphausia litoris)

Beach Krill Sighting

2007-11-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

I have just returned from Puerto Rico after I was called there based on reports of Beach Krill activity.

I will discuss my adventures more in depths soon but my flight was very delayed and I am tired... and painfully tanned after many hours of beach stake-outs.

A Wonderful Review

2007-11-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

I was certain of receiving many good reviews of my Field Guide, after all it is a unique piece of work...but, I have also grown accustomed to being questioned and even ridiculed, therefore it is exceptionally heartwarming when you recieve a review such as this one:
Do you like being frightened?

IMPORTANT CORRECTION & INFORMATION

2007-10-30T20:32:00.001-04:00

Because of a confusion of dates and altered times for my upcoming lecture at Barnes & Noble on 7th Ave. in Park Slope I have been giving the wrong time:

It will take place on the 2nd of November at 10.00 am.

And a reminder:
My radio appearance on WFUV (90.7 in NYC-area) is being rebroadcasted tomorrow around 7.45am.
At some point after that it will be in their online archive and thus available worldwide.

A Busy Sunday

2007-10-29T11:17:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful Sunday here yesterday and I enjoyed meeting a vibrant crowd of budding monstrologists at the event i participated in at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden.
I was slightly perturbed at the organizers who had somehow gotten my title wrong... Yes I do write and illustrate, but that is only to convey my research to the world. My actual title is Senior Monstrologist. It is just typical of the academic world to slight me like that.
But I sold out my Field Guide !
And it was clear that the people who came to meet me, they at least understand what monstrology is about and what it takes to do the research.
I especially have high hopes for Julian and Sophie, keep up the studies and one day you will find and catalogue your own monsters!

On another note, Benny is now calling me all the time, the Couch Cruncher ate his remote and he is getting desperate. I might call him back eventually.

And a reminder: I will be holding my lecture at the Park Slope Barnes & Noble 10am on Nov. 1st.

Benny is Back!

2007-10-12T13:51:00.000-04:00

Remember Benny, my "friend" from Queens (see previous posts). Remember how he turned on me and decided not to trust my science? or his own eyes...

Well, he called the other day and the Couch Cruncher is back in his undoubtedly filthy couch and he needs help. We'll see what happens, I still feel a bit hurt, but he does have all those episodes of Mythbusters on his DVR and I do really enjoy a Mythbusters-marathon.

This is a flattering drawing of Benny

Upcoming Events

2007-10-12T13:22:00.000-04:00

Finally some academic recognition!

The NPR affiliated radio station WFUV (90.7FM in NY-region) that is run by the Fordham University will be discussing Monstrology with me on the 23rd of October. The details are not set in stone and I am not sure about when it will air. I will keep you posted here.

Also, the biological research facility Brooklyn Botanical Garden will be hosting an event on the afternoon of the 28th of October that I will participate in. There will be a brief lecture by me but I'm afraid many other distractions going on at the same time. (Fun for some, I'm sure)

Lastly, my lecture at my local Barnes & Noble has been moved. I will now do it at 10AM on the 1st of November.
Please make appropriate changes to your calendars.

A Lively Debate

2007-10-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry for the big gap in my postings but there was much to do about getting ready for my lecture and then there were two aspiring monstrologists visiting from Sweden that I had to spend hours with. They were complete novices but showed some limited potential. Hopefully I will hear more from them as they start practicing their monstrological skills in northern Europe.

The Lecture itself went very well. The audience appeared eager for knowledge and the debate got quite lively as I accepted questions from the public. In the end there was a rather heated discussion about the potential size of Tadpole Monsters.

A young girl claimed that they could be much wider than I believe is possible.

I doubted the veracity of her report since she also said it was "much smarter than you!" meaning me...How would she know anything about that? Kids...

A Lecture on monstrology

2007-09-11T21:31:00.000-04:00

Here's the invitation for my upcoming lecture.

It Haunts Me

2007-09-08T15:26:00.001-04:00

The Gutrotter gives me nightmares.

The evasiveness of its appearance, the fact that it appeared to be in many places at once was very frightening..and the stench!

Here's a new sketch...I'm still trying to get its face right.

I will be holding another lecture!

September 28, 3.30pm at Storefront for Art and Architecture , 97 Kenmare Street, downtown Manhattan.

Lecture

2007-09-02T14:29:00.000-04:00

The public appears eager to hear more about the science of monstrology.

I have been asked to hold a lecture at my local Barnes & Noble Bookstore on November the 2:nd, 3.30 pm.

I think I will make it a brief presentation on methodology followed by some examples of my research and a Q&A-session, but I am still considering the exact format of my lecture.

Perhaps I will have breaking news on some of my more recent investigations, you never know in this business...
Of course I will be signing copies of the Field Guide.

The Gutrotter

2007-08-24T16:11:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned it is very hard to make a drawing of this monster. I believe the rendering below is as close as I can get. One of the more peculiar things about this beast was that it appeared to be "shifting" in time and space continuously. It looked like it was doing many things and occupying different stages in time at the same time. And as Dr Hasbien noted it was almost translucent. We did at one point come so close to it that I got a good slap from one of its paws, and let me tell you it hurt. It was more than just a normal pain too, it had an electrical feel.

Our client, an 8-year old girl, also got slapped several times and had some bad scratches from its claws. The scratches seemed to "infect" her with a desire for sugar, similar to that of the monster itself. You see, infallibly it was attracted by bowls of sugar and candy that we used for bait for our observations. After the worst incident our client was attracted to the bait with a frightening fervor.
She is much better now and only eats sweets on Saturdays, but very fast.
(I believe I might have been "infected" too. I used to take one spoonful of sugar in my coffee, now I crave at least 6.)
After two weeks of almost nightly visitations the monster stopped coming.
We don't know what made it appear or disappear.

If you know anything about a monster like the Gutrotter please let me know, any information can be valuable.

A Stench to Remember

2007-08-22T18:52:00.000-04:00

The time we spent in Denmark was frightening. I still have not made a a clear definition of the monster we encountered.
Dr Hasbien want to call it the Sugarsucker because of it's hunger for sweets. I think that name trivializes the horror of this beast.
After weeks in hiding in the garden of the family affected we we're able to observe this monster only briefly. I claim that it must be a monster with intradimensional abilities. I.e. it can "skip" between dimensions, but Dr Hasbien believes it is just semi-translucent and therefore easily camouflaged.
Drawing this beast is nearly impossible and I will post a composite of my field drawings as I get it ready.

As I said in the previous post the most significant sign of this beast was an incredible stench. The most vile odour you can imagine preceded every sighting and I wish there was a way to transmit this smell because in this case it would be a much better identifier than a drawing.
Imagine rotting garbage, combine it with ammonia, and cologne-covered-B.O. and poop.
That is the best I can describe the smell.
It was truly revolting.

Something was indeed rotten in the state of Denmark!

2007-08-20T21:03:00.000-04:00

Phuuui... I can't get the smell out of my nose. I encountered one of the stinkiest beasts I have ever been near.
This hunt took more out of both me and Dr Hasbien than we ever could have expected. Our young client, a 8 year old Danish girl is still sick.
This was indeed a dangerous mission.
My field notes and drawings are still a jumble and I suffer from lack of sleep and several small bites and scrapes. I will try to make a more coherent post at a later time.
Now I most sleep.

Danger in Denmark

2007-07-30T10:03:00.000-04:00

I have received an urgent call for help from my dear friend and colleague Dr Hasbien of the Stuttgart Monstrology Center, he is engaged in an operation in Denmark.

That, and that he has requested my help is all I know.

I leave tomorrow and will update here when I get a chance.

SENSATIONAL PHOTO FOUND

2007-07-20T13:53:00.000-04:00

Monstrology, as well as UFO-logy and other challenging "fringe" fields of research suffer from a general lack of photographic evidence that leave little or no opening for "mainstream" interpretations.
But dear fellow monstrologists.

Here we have it!

A photo of the common, but elusive, Domestic Dust-Devil.

Yes, it's a bit shaky and out of focus but it's clearly a Devil. You can even make out its menacing grin.

I will not reveal my source for this photo yet since I am hoping to cull more treasures from the same archive.

(For more information on The Domestic Dust-Devil, consult the Field Guide)

Monster-art on display

2007-07-03T09:38:00.000-04:00

Well, there is a lull in the monstrology world right now.
There have been no serious reports whatsoever for a couple of weeks.
Bradford came back from Canada and didn't mention anything about any monsters. He's most likely being extra careful to be quiet about the possible Canadian Boulder Beast investigation, to not agitate me further.

The only interesting thing going on right now is an art show at Corridor Gallery where a few of my drawings as well as some found artifacts from my book is on display.

Unfortunately the show is billed as a collection of works from children's book illustrators.
I feel that my work stand out from the rest of the work since it is the result of serious research.
But, it is in all an enjoyable show.

This antique illustration is one of the drawings on display:

Is Bradford telling the truth?

2007-06-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

My Canadian contact, Bradford, is going away. Supposedly to Seattle but I'm suspecting that he might actually be headed for Vancouver. That's where the buzz about Northern Boulder Beasts generated from (see post titled "Oh Canada"). Of course I have already fully documented that monster, see below, so it's a bit of old news to me. I guess I don't really need to feel threatened by some Canadian amateurs...After all I am a renowned monstrologist and I have published what is considered the first serious field guide on the subject.

Regarding the mysterious Couch Cruncher note, there has been no further developments.

The Northern Boulder Beast.

(For more detailed information please consult the Field Guide)

Who put this in my mailbox?

2007-06-05T10:41:00.000-04:00

I found this drawing in a unmarked envelope, no stamp no address, in my mailbox. Apparently I am not alone in seeing the Couch Crunchers!
Whoever you are please make contact again, I need more information, you do not have to tell me your name just tell me about your encounter.

Benny is a bum

2007-06-02T11:52:00.000-04:00

Well, my fascinating and exciting encounter with the Couch Cruncher is still vividly in my mind, but Benny...Now he is being all questioning about the whole affair. Granted he was asleep during initial contact but I thought he got a good look at the baby we found in the nest. He now claims that it "could have been anything". Like what? Another type of monster? A triangular rat? what about the nest!
He is like so many other adults just not open-minded enough to accept that monsters are all among us.

I'm continuing to ask around and look for other images or tales of Couch Crunchers, If anybody knows of anything please send me an e-mail. olander.j@gmail.com

The Couch Cruncher

2007-05-29T10:00:00.000-04:00

Saturday evening started very pleasantly. Benny and I watched the whole season 1 of Mythbusters, the excellent Discovery channel show, Benny had recorded all the episodes on his DVR. We had a good time eating hot dogs that we cooked on his coffee table with an ingenious contraption made from two forks, tape, a piece of wood and some electrical wires. You simply put a hot dog between the forks and plugged it in...They cooked in seconds and were delicious.

No monster activity was noticed during the early hours of the evening but we planted some solid pieces of hot dog between the pillows as lure. We tied strings to the hot dog pieces that were connected to a bell and put ourselves under a crude tent we fashioned out of an old sheet and some chairs. There was room to lie down and we made ourselves comfortable with some pillows. Benny was snoring loudly in a few minutes but I put on my night vision goggles and kept watch on the couch. However my batteries ran out after a while and when I woke up the next morning the hot dogs and the bell was gone!

I took that as solid proof of monster activity and we discussed opening up Benny´s couch to see if anything was nesting inside but we decided against it because if nothing was there, we´d certainly let whatever was in the house know that we were on to it, and thus probably scare it off and never see it.

On Sunday night we watched season 2, also excellent, and at the end of the evening we put more hot dog pieces in the couch but this time we just put them on top of the seat cushions, very visible. We hid in out "tent" again and Benny was asleep almost immediately but I was able to stay awake much longer this night, I had fresh batteries in my goggles and i had tied the strings from the hot dog pieces to my toes so this time I would definitely notice any activity.

Around 3 am I felt a vigorous tug in my middle toe! I focused in on the couch and saw a fascinating creature slowly emerge from between the cushions. The monster was about a foot wide and approx. 2 feet long and was triangular in shape. it had long skinny arms and four very short stocky legs.

It was very cautious and stopped and almost retreated slightly every time Benny snored, but it got to all the hot dog pieces we had put out, the last string, by the way, really hurt as it was pulled of my big toe, I watched it through my goggles for a good 2-3 minutes before it disappeared into the couch again. I heard some loud crunching afterwards and then all was quiet.

It was a Couch Cruncher, no doubt about that, I was able to draw a pretty detailed field study of it.

The ext morning we decided to open up the couch. We put on sturdy work-gloves and started ripping the couch apart. But before we even got in to the interior there was some rustling behind the sofa and we were barely able to discern the little triangular beast scurry away...It was so amazingly quick on it´s stocky little legs, it was basically just a blur.

Since we had already ripped the lining of the couch we decided, although Benny was complaining the whole time, to open it up and have a thorough look inside.

We found a baby cruncher!

There was an area in the couch that was clearly the nest, papers and strips of fabric had been tucked together in a way similar to a birds nest and an the middle of the nest was a very small cruncher!

We were only able to watch it for a few seconds before it jumped! with those short legs who would have thought...but it jumped very long and high and then scurried away in the same direction the grown cruncher had gone. We tried to find tracks or any signs of where they might have gone but there were none.

I assumed they found a way out of Benny´s place and another couch somewhere.

I believe I am the first monstrologist to document the Couch Cruncher but I will study it further to see if there are any historical references to the species.

I will keep you updated.

My field notes:

Oh Canada

2007-05-26T12:36:00.000-04:00

I think there might be more going on in Canada than we hear about here. I just talked to one of my Canadian friends, Bradford, and at first he completely declined to comment on any Northern Boulder Beast sightings...But, then he sort of half jokingly said something about as a Canadian he was sworn to secrecy. He tried laughing it off... but it certainly made me suspicious that there might be a conspiracy to withhold monster-information from Canada, maybe because there is a growing community of amateur-monstrologist that want to keep the "good stuff" for themselves or perhaps it's a government conspiracy, like with the UFOs in the US.

Well, right now I'm off to Benny's house for the Couch Cruncher stakeout.
Wish me luck

The Hunt Is On

2007-05-25T08:07:00.000-04:00

Nothing happened during the week. Some scattered buzz in the air about something going on in Canada, could be Northern Boulder Beast activity, but it didn't seem very serious. A backpack gone missing near a rock formation...Could be anything or nothing.

But this weekend the hunt is on for what could be Couch Cruncher's at Benny's house.
I'm not sure about when I will get a chance to update this page but I'll report whatever we find as soon as I can.

Anoyher day another dud

2007-05-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

Well, no reports came in today either.
I guess I shouldn't expect the frequency I experienced in my early days but still... Maybe it's because I write about it, lite the old saying about watching a pot of water boiling...I should just wait patiently like I used to

No news is boring

2007-05-19T13:32:00.000-04:00

There was no new reports of monsters at all today.

I continue to do some research on what I think I is a Couch Cruncher. So far I have not actually seen this creature but I will report it here as soon as I do.
I will have a stake-out at my friend Benny's house in Queens late next week.
He fell asleep in his couch last weekend and had mysterious scratches around his rather plump waistline. He also says he loses lots of stuff between the pillows.
I know that he eats all his meals in his couch and there is a good chance that he drops enough stuff to feed a whole family of Couch Crunchers. He's really quite a slob.