Tooth Decay an Issue With Some Monsters

As a monstrologist my expertise is called upon from many different walks of life, for instance, I helped write a fascinating article about monstrous dental hygiene in the Finnish "dental" magazine "Kultahammas". The whole magazine can be found here but the image above is the spread where the story appeared, I'm afraid it's only available in Finnish but the gist of it is that some monsters suffer from tooth decay and poor dental hygiene.

Here are some images from a recent lecture I held to a group of apt students in Brooklyn.
They were taken by the eminent photograper Bradford Hamilton

NEW ALIEN!

This magnificent new discovery was made by a young, 10, but very, very talented monstrologist in Fredericksburg, VA, by the name of Cole.


This is what he wrote about the discovery:

"I saw it when me and my mom went to the Blue Ridge Mountains camping, I woke to a crunching noise, so I grabbed the flashlight and got out of the tent and and I flipped out when I saw a Tangle Fang eating a deer carcass!!! He jumped in his spaceship when I blinded him with my flashlight! "

This was the space ship:

Thank you Cole and Pamela (his mom)! Keep up the good work!

FREE BOOK GIVEAWAYS ON GOODREADS!

5 copies of An Eyeball in My Garden...the horrific (in a good way) poetry collection that I illustrated...and 5 copies of A Field Guide to Monsters in PAPERBACK! The soft cover makes it extra handy for field work.

You can sign up for both giveaways until the last of August...everybody has an equal chance.

And here is a very very spooky "booktrailer" for An Eyeball in My Garden.

A NEW Canadian Creature

This groundbreaking new discovery, The Shadow, came to me from a young, but extremely brave and gifted, monstrologist named Bodhi Irwin, in Kingston Ontario. The beast itself is terrifying and would have been a challenge to investigate even for a grown up SENIOR monstrologist such as myself. Kudos Bodhi!

You can also find some new reviews of my Field Guide to Aliens via the links below.

Charlotte's Library

Manga Maniac Cafe

An a new one about the monsters too

badwithconviction

SENSATIONAL VIDEO OF ALIEN

This video, discovered deep in the archives of the old Soviet space agency, ROSKOSMOS appears to depict the mischievous light-based life form The Polkans.

The focus of this old black and white film, most likely shot through an Earth-based telescope, is on the rear-end of a comet, you can discern flickering gas-clouds or flames, then to the center right in the frame suddenly the letters P.O.O.P appear and disappear twice!

Now, in the Russian alphabet, that reads as ROOR...and has no apparent meaning. But in English it's "poop". Typically a word that would be used by the prank-loving Polkans.

Under any circumstances, it is one of the most compelling proofs of (somewhat) intelligent Alien life I have ever seen.

A Kirkus Review...Good too!

The Disco

Concluding after years of reports and direct observations that approximately 45 percent of the world's monsters are actually aliens, Olander, author of A Field Guide to Monsters (2007), offers illustrated notes on 28 types of interstellar interloper—from the harmless Intergalactic Worrywarts of Planet Insecura and sewage-eating Sliver-Slurpers to more ominous False Santas, robotic onesie-clad Bebies and, scariest of all, Boogie-doods (aka Discos) from Planet Funk. On pages designed to look like well-thumbed scrapbook leaves, each entry includes extensive comments on diet, distinguishing features and details of Close Encounters, all sandwiched between a carefully drawn full-"body" portrait and a set of quicker "eyewitness" sketches and supposed snapshots. Though no replacement for Andrew Donkins's Alien Encyclopedia: The Ultimate Alien A-Z (1999), this makes a worthy addition to our too-thin store of space-alien lore and will leave younger readers on the alert for glimpses of Clustors, Liverpudlins and other nonhuman visitors.

–Kirkus Reviews, March 15, 2010

Benny Found A Baby!

A nearly hysterical Benny sent me this picture in an e-mail. It appears to be of an infant Couch Cruncher. As followers of this blog might know, Benny is a "friend" who had a Couch Cruncher live in his couch for along time. We appeared to have solved the issue when we got the Cruncher to move to a furniture store in Queens, NY.

This time I believe that we might have learned something new and valuable about this small domestic monster. This "tadpole-cruncher", small, googly-eyed and gelatinous, is probably migrating back to where his parents were born. It might be the same kind of function we see in migrating birds and fish.

Benny either must keep a meticulously clean home, ( he can't leave a trail of crumbs around him at all times as he does, look at the picture! I'm sure his whole floor is covered with fragments of salty snacks...) or move, or...learn to live with the annual arrival of Couch Cruncher babies and see it as something positive, a sign of spring perhaps

A Nice Review

The Sliver Slurper

A Field Guide to Aliens:

Intergalactic Worryworts, Glorb, False Santas, and other Extraterrestrials
978-0-7614- 5594-3.

Monsterologist John Olander, having discovered that 45 percent of all monster sightings reported are actually alien sightings, has decided to follow up his Field Guide to Monsters (Marshall Cavendish, 2007/VOYA December 2007) with a guidebook to aliens one might encounter on earth. Full-color, double-page spreads on twenty-seven aliens include information on what their names sound like in their native language (if they have one), their origin, diet, distinguishing features, technology, and a narrative of sightings of each species on Earth. Each entry also includes evidence in the form of sketches, drawings, or photos from others who have encountered the alien “taped” to the bottom of the (simulated) graph paper pages. Those species that pose a threat are stamped “Danger to Humans” in red—for safety sake. Scientific data is also included such as the real explanation of wormholes (they are created by actual Space Worms) and Santa Claus (actually elflike aliens who subsist on fruitcake and cookies— the beard and hat are space gear). Although heavy on the poo humor: Silver Slurpers (among others) live on human waste and a Droopian, who comes from a high gravity planet, left a heavy deposit in a Wisconsin outhouse, this silly and gross “field guide” will entertain just about any reluctant reader (especially the boys). Fans of the first guide will also love this one. .—VOYA, April 2010

A Three-toed Troll

I received this fascinating drawing in the mail from a Swedish source.
A Three-Toed Troll
The fragmented text in Swedish says:
"it was a malevolent and unkind troll with three toes and three fin(gers?)....domestic animals for feed"

An Update

The snow-monster, was evil! It's effects were horrific...
Only a few days after it appeared, I came down with a frightening case of stomach flu!
Some might say, "coincidence", but I know better. That thing, I call it "The Snomo", had some kind of powers. Big snows when you're expecting spring often has the effect of making humans sick.
I think this monster, and yes I'm convinced this one was a monster not an alien, floats through air in pieces and assembles itself once enough snow has accumulated, then it sneaks around and does its evilness.
Melting took care of its demise.

There has been some cosmetic changes to my website and blog.
I hope they will be to your liking.

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The Monstrologist on Facebook

For those of you who pass by here and also are members of Facebook:

I just started a "fan-page" where I posted some new material about Aliens and a mysterious snow-being (below) that just appeared on our fire escape.

You should be able to find the page here. Please join.

A Field Guide to Aliens

Finally the publication of my new masterpiece: A Field Guide to Aliens: Intergalactic Worrywarts, Glorb, False Santas, and other Extraterrestrials is getting closer.

By clicking the link above you're able to get a preview on Amazon. However that is merely a superficial glance, this seminal work might be even more groundbreaking than my Field Guide to Monsters. The research and genius expended in the production are hardly made justice by that preview, no! It is of a kind that demands immersion and dedicated study.

In this tome you will find unique information about Extraterrestrials that nobody else has ever documented! I have mentioned a few before on this blog but in the book there are more than 25! Including some that are confirmed by photographic evidence that have never before been seen.

The more frivolous UFO and Alien-encounter "scientists" will undoubtedly try to cast my studies in a less than flattering light but I challenge them to bring forth any more compelling evidence than that which I have produced in abundance in A Field Guide to Aliens.

Here for instance is a photograph of an alien deposit left in an outhouse in Wausau, Wisconsin

Please note the extreme weight!

I have seen nothing even coming close to this evidence in the community of UFO and Aliens research before, if you have please let me know.

A Video Review

I found this review of my Field Guide to Monsters on Youtube!

A nice surprise, and proof of the fact that monstrology is getting closer and closer to the world of traditional academia!