Saturday, November 15, 2008

Manhattan Monsters!

Oh, the horror...
There are so many nefarious beasts in Manhattan that it frightens me. Thankfully there is no shortage of intelligent and insightful monstrologists and I feel that as long as the balance between monsters and us, the people that keep track of them, is maintained we can all rest safe.
These are some of the monsters we discovered at the Poet's House after we had a monstrology session where the participants, under my experienced tutelage, were able to document some fantastical beasts.

View them and tremble with fear.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

New Findings at Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

The event at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens yielded some fascinating new monsters documented by a large group of young, talented monstrologists!
Here are just a few of the most fascinating beasts.

As clearly noted on these studies these monsters were all DANGEROUS TO HUMANS.
Be careful out there!

Fascinating Q&A session after my Lecture at the Commuity Bookstore in Brooklyn

Monday, October 20, 2008

Upcoming lectures

Dear followers of Monsterwatch. The end of October will be a busy time for yours truly, it is clear that the public is hungry for more REAL information about monsters.

I have been asked to hold my lecture om Monstrology in four different venues.

In two of the distinguished institutions; Brooklyn Botanical Garden and Poet's House, I have been asked to not only give my lecture on the science of monstrology, but to also lead workshops on the recording methods and archiving of monsters.

These are the venues, hope to see you there.

PS 39 (not open to the public)
Park Slope, Brooklyn
Oct 24
9.25 am

NY Public Library, Mulberry Street Branch (10 Jersey st. bet. Lafayette & Mulberry)
New York, NY 10012
Oct 25

Brooklyn Botanical Garden, "Ghouls and Gourds"
Oct 26

Community Bookstore
143 Seventh Avenue
Brooklyn NY 11215
Oct 30

Sunday, September 7, 2008

A treasure trove of Monsters!

I have received a fantastic document of seminal importance!

It is nothing less than another groundbreaking catalogue of monsters not unlike my own masterpiece, A Field Guide to Monsters.
This thick stack of new discoveries is unpublished but none the less masterful in its description of several brand new monsters that even I have never heard of.
It was compiled by a group of young monstrologists in Freeport, Illinois, headed by an eminent guide and teacher in Mrs. Angie Damin at Empire Elementary.

We owe these young brave monsterhunters a wealth of gratitude.
Among the almost 50 new monsters catalogued we find some tremendous, dangerous beasts. Below are just a few outstanding studies:
The very colorful Fowller Born eats people that do bad things and has a very bad cut with monster flesh and blood hanging out in May, March and June,

The Fatty Patty is a mysterious, harmless beast that lives in 5 star restaurants but only eat junk food and candy!

The Moniter Number is a very dangerous monster that haunts schools and especially math books. It will eat you if you give the wrong answer! The only safety measures are to never say the wrong answer or never open any math books.

Thanks again to the Multiage Class of Mrs. Angie Damin in Freeport Illinois! Keep up the good work!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Aliens,Aliens Aliens...

That's all I can say to my defense, for not having updated these pages for so long.

My monstrology research have by necessity been put on hold for the time being since two recent field missions turned out to be linked to a whole series of alien encounters.
It has prompted me to start work on a new groundbreaking book!

In some way research into Alien/Extra Terrestial life forms is very similar to Monstrology and,as the field of UFO/Alien studies is, like monstrology, studded with charlatans and flimflam-men there is a dire need for a serious look at the field by a reputable scientist such as myself.

I have already accumulated some every interesting field notes/drawings,

This being, I have given it the temporary name "Clustor", is curious and friendly but utterly unintelligent on it's own, but.... as it clusters together with others of it's kind, it can, if their numbers are sufficient, achieve an intelligence far beyond the human capacity.

Its origins is still unknown, but I am working on finding out more. This sighting occurred in Central Illinois. I am curious to hear from the general public if you have any pertinent information about this or other Aliens.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Monster Go Away Spray works!

After some initial doubt I have now concluded that the Monster Go Away Spray really works.
I am thoroughly impressed by the work of psycho-aromatherapist Lisa Cook, the creator of this essential tool for field-monstrologists.

I have received a dazzling report from a field-monstrologist that has tested the spray in real-life conditions and according to him it is a sure-fire way to get rid of at least some specific beasts. See the drawing and observation notes on the frightening DRACH-NEE-LEJEEN below.

I also received a detailed record of the UNDERWATER KING-SNAKE ,a not so dangerous, but impressive monster.

Keep up the good work everybody!

Pesonally I am slightly perturbed by some rather confusing sightings lately that have not been monsters, but ALIENS, I sense that there might be a need to investigate this further since it appears that some of these beings inhabit a similar space to that of monsters.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Fearsome French Beasts

I have finally had time to analyze some of the recent drawings that were sent to me.
This batch came from a brother and sister team of very young monstrologists in Paris, France.
Antoine and Alice have created some very interesting images but, and this is understandable due to their tender age, have not given me much information apart from the drawings.

Here is the most compelling monster in my opinion. I would love to know more about it.

This is very frightening duo of monsters, I wonder if they are related to the terrifying Danish Gutrotter?

And this last one I believe is a variation on the Tadpole Monster so often observed by very young monstrologists.

You can of course read more about the Tadpole Monster in my Field Guide .

Monday, March 17, 2008

An interesting product & Aliens

My friend Emily sent me a link to an interesting product: An anti-monster spray.
It seems like I am not the only one to have discovered that monsters are sensitive to smells.
My homemade potpourri has kept me safe on many an occasion and I am happy to see that someone has created an easy to use product available to the general public.
I have generally made my potpourri very pungent (Curry, Cloves and Karl Lagerfeld Cologne combined), to be on the safe side...I wonder if nice smells might be as efficient?

I have been held up in my monstrology studies by several reports that initially seemed to be about monsters but turned out to be about aliens. So far any good information has been hard to get but here's an image that was recently sent to me.
It depicts two "Mulchons", an alien race of ravenous tree-eaters. The drawing came from an Alaskan lumberjack by the name Hank Swenson. He claims that they ate a fully grown tree as fast as he could eat an apple, that they travel by interstellar timber-trucks and that their droppings make excellent weed and pest resitant mulch.

Monday, February 25, 2008

An Active Season

Well, first of all I must apologize for not having written much here lately. I must admit that I have just been too busy. And let me tell you, it is a busy season for monstrology.

I have been getting in more and more reports from all over the world and I'm starting to worry that there is something "big" going on in the realm of monsters. Perhaps the increased activity is due to some astrological position or other natural event. My fear is that some day the monsters will start to conspire to leave the borderland between fantasy and reality, the realm that they traditionally inhabit, and enter fully into reality. That would be a truly frightening occurrence.

This field study came in from a young researcher named Kurt. It appears as if this is a relatively harmless monster.

This is his eye-witness account:

"Before leaving for my grandfather's house today I had to get my socks. Having my pencil and paper ready, (like I always do) I opened my drawer and this monster popped out of it! I quickly did a sketch of it and took my sock off it's tail. ( that must be their way of keeping warm )."

And earlier today I got an e-mail from another fellow monstrologist, Mr Smart, who had made some exceptionally detailed field-studies of two different beasts: The Deadly Driftwood and The Gravel Grinder.

The Gravel Grinder looks to me like it could be an Alien life-form. I'd say that the odd diet supports that idea.

This is Mr Smart's story:

"I have found 2 new monsters I would like to share with you! One is called the Deadly Driftwood, and the other the Gravel-Grinder. I encountered the Deadly Driftwood when me and my dad were driving on a bridge over a lake. It looked like the monster was coming to get me! I encountered the Gravel-Grinder walking on a path in my mom's garden.( The path was made of gravel).It was grinding the path ! "

And a traveller passing by from Paris, France hand-delivered a large collection of field notes from a brother and sister team of monstrologists the other day. I will eventually post some of those drawings once I have had an opportunity to scan them and study them further.

It is clear that there is an unusual high frequency of monster sightings at the moment so keep your pencils sharpened and your minds open out there!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dark Specter

I have recieved a fascinating report on a brand new monster: The Dark Specter

This time the news comes from Elmira, NY where an intrepid young monstrologist by the name Devin has done some impressive research.

His drawing of the Dark Specter is among the finest field drawings I have seen.

These are the facts that Devin has been able to gleen about the mysterious Dark Specter, in his own words:

"5 ft, 10 inches.
Can sometimes be found wearing a ragged top hat.
Seems to like books, but I am not really sure if it eats anything at all!
I have found it in the Steel memorial library in Elmira NY, and by my toaster in the kitchen.

I do not know what color it is because I have all ways seen it just as a black outline.

It also seems to like indoors, and very quiet but human inhabited places. "

Devin has a very nice website that you can visit here:

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Important Findings in Denmark

A few days ago I received an exiting package from Denmark.
It contained a collection of new findings from three young monstrologists.

Their scientific method is still crude and there was only little additional information concerning each monster but the field drawings were spectacular!

We have here three new never before seen beasts.

The first one, discovered and documented by Naomi, is perhaps the most frightening.

Naomi calls this monster "Terrible Killer Head" and list a color guide to the drawing.

Red+yellow= Fire

Red= Lava

Blue= Poison

Green= Acid

Gray= Circular Saw

Yellow= Electrical Shock

This monster is undoubtedly very, very dangerous to humans.

The "Firhoved" or "Fourhead" (below) was found by Melissa. The only information given about this monster is that it is "Dangerous to Humans" (written in Danish on the drawing).

It is a spectacular beast!

The third monster discovered by this team of monstrologists, this one by Maya, was the "Tunge-Slasker", which translates to "Toungue-Slobberer". This cat-like monster also lacks any more specific details but it is clearly described as dangerous to humans and we find this beast in an action filled pose. One can only imagine what havoc a beast like this can wreak. Personally I am also very curious about the other beast in this image, what is it? another undocumented monster?

I sincerely hope this is not the last time I hear from these young heroines.

Monday, January 21, 2008

The Conclusion to Benny's Troubles

Our attempt at discovering and dislodging the Couch Cruncher from Benny's sofa was quite a struggle but we emerged victorious in the end.

It took 4 nights, 16 hot dogs, and a hand-full of missed opportunities to finally get a good look at the Couch Cruncher.
As you might remember from our previous encounter with the Cruncher in Benny's house I observed a very young Cruncher. I now believe that that "baby" was the one we did battle with this time. It had grown up but I had a distinct feeling that this was the same individual.
This leads me to assume that Crunchers do not live with their offspring very long, that they grow fast and that the young often take over their parent's "hunting grounds".
One of the most fascinating aspects of this relatively harmless monster was its arms. They were soft and appeared to be without bones and were able to be pulled inside, or stretched far outside the body in an almost telescopic way.

To make a long story short, Benny's couch is once again safe.
The Cruncher was removed and today it resides in a furniture store on Steinway Street in Queens where Benny has agreed to stop by every week and "misplace" a dozen hot dogs.

I was able to do a more detailed field study of The Couch Cruncher this time (See below) and learned a lot more about it. It will most likely be entered in to the next edition of my Field Guide.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Shadow Casters in Illinois and Benny in Trouble

There seems like there might be Shadow-Casters nesting in a 160-year old house in Central/Western Illinois, this according to a report from two brothers residing in said house. They have noticed clear indications, such as creaking floor sounds, the archetypical sound of the sneaking Shadow Caster and actually asked if there was a possibility of me doing an investigation.
Unfortunately I had do decline since after the holidays Benny has become a priority and I am fully engaged in the Couch-Cruncher problem again.

It seems like Benny, who was quite resentful of my ignoring him for so long, had moved out to his kitchen, leaving his combined living room-bedroom and his beloved couch to the Cruncher. He was scared and upset, especially after his remote got eaten.

But before the holidays he decided to try to "take back" his apartment. He bought a new universal remote and started to enjoy his couch again and all went really well for some time.
My guess is that he got sloppy with food and snacks around Christmas... and then he lost the new remote. Without thinking he stuck his hand deep into the couch to see if it had slipped between the cushions...He got bit pretty bad.
I assume that a cruncher took his rather plump finger for a hot dog, their favorite food.

I will keep you posted on any developments. I will be staying with Benny for few days.