Fearsome French Beasts

I have finally had time to analyze some of the recent drawings that were sent to me.

This batch came from a brother and sister team of very young monstrologists in Paris, France.

Antoine and Alice have created some very interesting images but, and this is understandable due to their tender age, have not given me much information apart from the drawings.

Here is the most compelling monster in my opinion. I would love to know more about it.

This is very frightening duo of monsters, I wonder if they are related to the terrifying Danish Gutrotter?

And this last one I believe is a variation on the Tadpole Monster so often observed by very young monstrologists.

You can of course read more about the Tadpole Monster in my Field Guide .

An interesting product & Aliens

My friend Emily sent me a link to an interesting product: An anti-monster spray.

It seems like I am not the only one to have discovered that monsters are sensitive to smells.

My homemade potpourri has kept me safe on many an occasion and I am happy to see that someone has created an easy to use product available to the general public.

I have generally made my potpourri very pungent (Curry, Cloves and Karl Lagerfeld Cologne combined), to be on the safe side...I wonder if nice smells might be as efficient?

I have been held up in my monstrology studies by several reports that initially seemed to be about monsters but turned out to be about aliens. So far any good information has been hard to get but here's an image that was recently sent to me.

It depicts two "Mulchons", an alien race of ravenous tree-eaters. The drawing came from an Alaskan lumberjack by the name Hank Swenson. He claims that they ate a fully grown tree as fast as he could eat an apple, that they travel by interstellar timber-trucks and that their droppings make excellent weed and pest resitant mulch.

An Active Season

Well, first of all I must apologize for not having written much here lately. I must admit that I have just been too busy. And let me tell you, it is a busy season for monstrology.

I have been getting in more and more reports from all over the world and I'm starting to worry that there is something "big" going on in the realm of monsters. Perhaps the increased activity is due to some astrological position or other natural event. My fear is that some day the monsters will start to conspire to leave the borderland between fantasy and reality, the realm that they traditionally inhabit, and enter fully into reality. That would be a truly frightening occurrence.

This field study came in from a young researcher named Kurt. It appears as if this is a relatively harmless monster.

This is his eye-witness account:

"Before leaving for my grandfather's house today I had to get my socks. Having my pencil and paper ready, (like I always do) I opened my drawer and this monster popped out of it! I quickly did a sketch of it and took my sock off it's tail. ( that must be their way of keeping warm )."

And earlier today I got an e-mail from another fellow monstrologist, Mr Smart, who had made some exceptionally detailed field-studies of two different beasts: The Deadly Driftwood and The Gravel Grinder.

The Gravel Grinder looks to me like it could be an Alien life-form. I'd say that the odd diet supports that idea.

This is Mr Smart's story:

"I have found 2 new monsters I would like to share with you! One is called the Deadly Driftwood, and the other the Gravel-Grinder. I encountered the Deadly Driftwood when me and my dad were driving on a bridge over a lake. It looked like the monster was coming to get me! I encountered the Gravel-Grinder walking on a path in my mom's garden.( The path was made of gravel).It was grinding the path ! "

And a traveller passing by from Paris, France hand-delivered a large collection of field notes from a brother and sister team of monstrologists the other day. I will eventually post some of those drawings once I have had an opportunity to scan them and study them further.

It is clear that there is an unusual high frequency of monster sightings at the moment so keep your pencils sharpened and your minds open out there!

Dark Specter

I have recieved a fascinating report on a brand new monster: The Dark Specter

This time the news comes from Elmira, NY where an intrepid young monstrologist by the name Devin has done some impressive research.

His drawing of the Dark Specter is among the finest field drawings I have seen.


These are the facts that Devin has been able to gleen about the mysterious Dark Specter, in his own words:

"5 ft, 10 inches.
Can sometimes be found wearing a ragged top hat.
Seems to like books, but I am not really sure if it eats anything at all!
I have found it in the Steel memorial library in Elmira NY, and by my toaster in the kitchen.

I do not know what color it is because I have all ways seen it just as a black outline.

It also seems to like indoors, and very quiet but human inhabited places. "

Devin has a very nice website that you can visit here: www.grymhood.webs.com

Important Findings in Denmark

A few days ago I received an exiting package from Denmark.
It contained a collection of new findings from three young monstrologists.

Their scientific method is still crude and there was only little additional information concerning each monster but the field drawings were spectacular!

We have here three new never before seen beasts.

The first one, discovered and documented by Naomi, is perhaps the most frightening.

Naomi calls this monster "Terrible Killer Head" and list a color guide to the drawing.

Red+yellow= Fire

Red= Lava

Blue= Poison

Green= Acid

Gray= Circular Saw

Yellow= Electrical Shock

This monster is undoubtedly very, very dangerous to humans.

The "Firhoved" or "Fourhead" (below) was found by Melissa. The only information given about this monster is that it is "Dangerous to Humans" (written in Danish on the drawing).

It is a spectacular beast!

The third monster discovered by this team of monstrologists, this one by Maya, was the "Tunge-Slasker", which translates to "Toungue-Slobberer". This cat-like monster also lacks any more specific details but it is clearly described as dangerous to humans and we find this beast in an action filled pose. One can only imagine what havoc a beast like this can wreak. Personally I am also very curious about the other beast in this image, what is it? another undocumented monster?

I sincerely hope this is not the last time I hear from these young heroines.

The Conclusion to Benny's Troubles

Our attempt at discovering and dislodging the Couch Cruncher from Benny's sofa was quite a struggle but we emerged victorious in the end.

It took 4 nights, 16 hot dogs, and a hand-full of missed opportunities to finally get a good look at the Couch Cruncher.
As you might remember from our previous encounter with the Cruncher in Benny's house I observed a very young Cruncher. I now believe that that "baby" was the one we did battle with this time. It had grown up but I had a distinct feeling that this was the same individual.
This leads me to assume that Crunchers do not live with their offspring very long, that they grow fast and that the young often take over their parent's "hunting grounds".
One of the most fascinating aspects of this relatively harmless monster was its arms. They were soft and appeared to be without bones and were able to be pulled inside, or stretched far outside the body in an almost telescopic way.

To make a long story short, Benny's couch is once again safe.
The Cruncher was removed and today it resides in a furniture store on Steinway Street in Queens where Benny has agreed to stop by every week and "misplace" a dozen hot dogs.

I was able to do a more detailed field study of The Couch Cruncher this time (See below) and learned a lot more about it. It will most likely be entered in to the next edition of my Field Guide.

Shadow Casters in Illinois and Benny in Trouble

There seems like there might be Shadow-Casters nesting in a 160-year old house in Central/Western Illinois, this according to a report from two brothers residing in said house. They have noticed clear indications, such as creaking floor sounds, the archetypical sound of the sneaking Shadow Caster and actually asked if there was a possibility of me doing an investigation.
Unfortunately I had do decline since after the holidays Benny has become a priority and I am fully engaged in the Couch-Cruncher problem again.

It seems like Benny, who was quite resentful of my ignoring him for so long, had moved out to his kitchen, leaving his combined living room-bedroom and his beloved couch to the Cruncher. He was scared and upset, especially after his remote got eaten.

But before the holidays he decided to try to "take back" his apartment. He bought a new universal remote and started to enjoy his couch again and all went really well for some time.
My guess is that he got sloppy with food and snacks around Christmas... and then he lost the new remote. Without thinking he stuck his hand deep into the couch to see if it had slipped between the cushions...He got bit pretty bad.
I assume that a cruncher took his rather plump finger for a hot dog, their favorite food.

I will keep you posted on any developments. I will be staying with Benny for few days.

Ha! There are monsters in Canada

I knew it!
My Canadian "friend" Bradford who earlier this year claimed that there was no monster-business going on in Canada was wrong!

I just got a very trustworthy report from the Comox Valley area where apparently some very large Northern Boulder Beasts have been smelled and sighted.

They had taken up residence in a small valley not far from a village and the stench of sulfur emanating from the beasts was what finally drew the attention of a young man (Evan, 10) who was able to observe and report the facts to me.
According to him they were "really huge" and "really, really stinky".

As I mention in the Field Guide, the boulder beasts are notoriously dumb and when the intrepid young monstrologist got discovered he was able to confuse them by singing "I'm a little tea-pot short and stout", and doing the movements.
The beasts simply thought he was a tea-pot, and left him alone.

Evan commented that he thought they were "really, really, really not smart".

A Failure on the Beach

The Beach Krill sightings in Puerto Rico turned out to be false.
There were however some very large crabs that attacked this intrepid monstrologist as he was in hiding under a very elaborate cover of camouflage netting and sand.
I had settled in for a long stake-out when around midnight I started feeling little pinches around my ankles. I never want to use my flashlight too much so I waited a bit before turning it on, but then I got pinched really hard! As i directed my flashlight toward my throbbing ankle I got pinched just above the belt towards my back and I realized that my hiding spot had been completely overrun by aggressive crabs.

I think that there might have been something in my latest concoction of potpourri that attracted crabs. Maybe the Karl Lagerfeld Cologne is not repelling enough?

In the end I saw no evidence of Beach Krill activity. I am sad to say that a large hollow that was pointed out to my as probably created by a Krill was more likely the result of sand-castle constructions.

I left the island with many crab-pinch marks, mosquito-bites, a bad sunburn and no further information on the Beach Krill.

But, that is the life of a monstrologis. Not every shadow is a beast, but you should always check.

The Beach Krill

(Euphausia litoris)

Beach Krill Sighting

I have just returned from Puerto Rico after I was called there based on reports of Beach Krill activity.


I will discuss my adventures more in depths soon but my flight was very delayed and I am tired... and painfully tanned after many hours of beach stake-outs.